She's a Screamer

My 4 year old, as the youngest of four, has been loved, pampered, indulged and spoiled from the day of her birth. Not spoiled with things but with our time, attention and love. She has the wonderful quirky sense of humor of a typical 4 year old. And she has a will of iron.

She started tantruming when she was not yet two years old, long before my ex-hubby moved out. Her older sister's tantrums were short lived, much like summer thunder storms. Hers are best described as a record album with a skip. She gets stuck. Very, very stuck. A typical tantrum can come on for all of the typical reasons: over-tired, hungry or overwhelmed. Or for no apparent reason at all. Then the screaming begins, at ear piercing volume, for up to an hour. No, that was not a typo. A short tantrum for this child is 15 minutes. Once the screaming starts, her ability to hear and process information ceases to exist. She is consumed by her rage. She kicks, thrashes, head butts, hops and did I mention...screams. When she is violent and I will not let her be on my body, she will lie on the floor next to me and pound her feet on the floor. Or kick me, if I am within range. When she is not just plain screaming, she is reciting the cause of her problem over and over and over at high decibels.

No, I am not currently taking anti-depressant medication, although on very bleak days I have considered it. I have developed various coping strategies over the last two years. If she will let me hold her without hurting me, which is rare, then I let her ride it out in my arms. Most of the time she refuses to let me touch her. Even while she is screaming for me to pick her up she will hop away from me when I lean down to her. I just have to wait it out; ride out the storm. I practice my labor breathing when I feel myself losing patience. On one occasion, I locked myself in the bathroom. She lay on the other side of the door and kicked it repeatedly. Not a great choice as it freaked the other kids out.

After what feels like an eternity she will eventually begin to wind down. The screaming of the repetitive chants will decrease in their intensity and her ears will begin to function again. Hugs, kisses and tears of sadness will follow. Then I try to talk to her about what happened and why. Admittedly, with limited success.

How often, you ask? From one to six times per day. Yup, per day. The good news is that there has been a marked decrease in the number and intensity of her "screamers" in the last few months. Until today.

I knew that she was tired. She spent the entire day in the water yesterday. Bedtime was delayed due to the loud, scary thunderstorms. She ended up sleeping with her 13 year old sister. She woke up in a funk. Trying to put her down for a nap at 9 am was a no-go. It was a very rough morning. Every time her brother looked at her the wrong way, or God forbid, stuck his tongue out at her, she melted down. Bad funk is contagious. She was on my body all morning. By 11:30 she was a complete mess.

The screamer started when I tried to fix her lunch. She refused every offering. All she wanted was chocolate covered strawberries. If she had not already had her share (3) it would not have been an issue. But no, she wanted them for lunch. (Yes, I have more of the damned things in the fridge.) I was not going to give in to her demands and she repeatedly refused any other healthy food. The screaming then began in earnest.

35 minutes later I sat with her in my arms on the edge of her bed. My shoulder was wet with her tears. Her body finally grew heavy as she relaxed into sleep. Holding my breath, I tucked her in for her nap. As I was leaving her room she opened her eyes and asked if she could have a chocolate covered strawberry after her rest.

I feel as though I have been sucked dry. I know this child was sent to me for a reason, I just can't remember why at the moment.

Later: She only slept for 30 minutes. The wine and the chocolate truffles fairly leapt into my cart at the grocery store!