My Baby Sis is due with her first baby in a month. She has wanted to be a mother since, since...well, forever. She was just waiting for the right man to swim by. He did and she married him a year ago. Here's the thing. I want to be at the birth. I would sell my left boob to be at the birth. Heck, now that my nursing career is over what use is to me anyway? It's not like I have men breaking down my door to caress it. But I digress. The birth. She is having a home birth. In attendance at the arrival of our newest niece/nephew will be: 1 hubby, 2 midwives, 1 mother-in-law and 1 labor doula-in-training. And they have a very small house.
I totally understand her decision on an intellectual level. This is her journey, after all. Her birth vision does not include her older Sis or any Sis for that matter. I respect and honor her decision. That doesn't change that part of me, the self centered 4 year old part of me, that wants what I want. And I want to be there.
We have a family history of this sort of thing. Sharing birth. My Mom was with me when my second was born. After she witnessed me screaming, "Either get her out NOW or push her back in!" she decided she did not need to witness another of her daughters giving birth. That's cool. She knits awesome baby sweaters and blankets and cooks the most divine postpartum sanity food on the planet.
When my 3rd Sis had her first I was not invited. But her husband did call and ask me to bring her birth ball and some food for him to the hospital. So what if I never left? When 3rd Sis started into hot and heavy active labor I called Baby Sis and told her to get her butt over to the hospital. Without checking it out with 3rd Sis. She was in another world. It was an awesome birth. At one point Baby Sis and I each held a leg of 3rd Sis as she pushed. For 3 hours. It was, hands down, the most mind blowing, life affirming experience I have ever had. What a gift.
When I was in labor with my 4th all of my sisters were there. All three. Baby Sis went on the now infamous walk to Starbucks to get coffee (not for me!) an hour before my baby was born. My midwife had kicked me out of bed and onto the streets of Portland because she felt I was going to hypnobirth myself into a 4 day labor. With hubby on one side and Baby Sis on the other we slowly made our way down the street. It felt as if I had a pole rammed up my ass and every time I had a contraction I would start cursing like a sailor as I walked on my tippy toes. My Baby Sis felt the need to tell me that I was much more fun to hang with in labor then 3rd Sis. Yeah, a laugh a minute.
When the shit hit the fan and I blew through 7 centimeters and transition in 45 minutes, Baby Sis helped me. I remember trying to borrow threw the head of the bed. Her cool wet cloth to my face and my hubbies calming words kept me in the room. When my darling was in my arms Baby Sis wept with joy. We all did. And here is the best part. She cooked me the most delicious, words can not describe how delicious, breakfast I have ever eaten. Ambrosia.
I just want to return the favor.
So here is my plan:
Baby Sis goes into active labor. 3rd Sis and I hastily arrange for childcare for our 6 kids. We arrive at Baby Sis's house and erect a tent on her front lawn. We have all of our camping gear, a cooler stocked with plenty of goat cheese, crackers and wine. Two lawn chairs. Bug dope. Sun screen. Some candles. Incense. Flower petals.
Then we sit and send positive sister birth energy to Baby Sis. Maybe even do some chanting. Softly. Something like:
"oh great mother earth, master of the universe, ancestor of our ancestors, help guide this sweet soul from one reality to another. oh beautiful baby spirit, pass gently from the warmth of your momma's body, ease yourself into her loving arms. oh, beautiful babe, know the pressure you feel is nothing compared to the feel of your parents arms, come into the world precious soul. we await your joyous arrival."
So I called 3rd Sis yesterday to share my Great Idea. Here was her response:
No, No No!!!!!! Absolutely NOT. Are you INSANE?
Why? I kinda like it.
No! The sight of us planted on her lawn will stop her labor. She will freak out. Do. You. Hear. Me? Bad Idea!
O.K., O.K., I get it. Damn, I thought I was on to something.
No, No, No. This is not a joke. If you need to do something with this great idea of yours, then blog it. Do not, under any circumstances, mention your BAD idea to Baby Sis.
(Sigh) O.K. I understand.
Shot down. By my own sister. I really thought I was onto something. But I guess not. Bummer.
Do you think Baby Sis would be pissed if I just happen to show up during her labor with some homemade muffins and flowers? Oh, and chocolates? No....??
14 comments:
NO SHE WON'T BE MAD! DO IT!
We all just get nervous about a room full of people staring at our nether regions, but once those contractions start, you could give birth live on stage at Madison Square Garden and not care!
O.K., maybe that's just me, but...I'd do it. And if you're holding chocolates and flowers.you are SO in!
Personally, I've never understood sharing birth with anyone other than the father and medical staff. My cooter is my personal property and if you weren't there when the baby was made then you don't need to be there while it's being born.
But that's just me. To each his own.
Sorry that you can't be involved in the birth. Maybe the MIL will get sick or change her mind and you can take her place. Cross your fingers! ;)
I dunno. I didn't want anyone in the room except Brent and the doctor who looked like a pre-teen and complimented me on my pedicure. But I don't think I would've minded people chanting out in the hall. Especially if goat cheese is involved.
dYou had the birth experiences you wanted, let her have the experience she wants.
I'll think I'll sit this comment out if you don't mind. Oh wait... too late.
My sis was wonderful enough to invite me to all 3 of her children's births. (I had leg duty like you mentioned in your post.) And there seemed to have always been quite a few other people in the room when my sis had her kids. Altho I want her there when I have mine, too, I really don't think I want anyone else (other than my guy, of course.) For my sister's births, it was something of an event and for me I think I'd rather have something sort of, oh, candlelit, quiet and private. Maybe that's what your sis is trying to envision even tho she already has a pretty good sized guest list. :-) I bet she thinks it's awfully sweet that you WANT to be there.
Just for the record, I am not a "birth crasher". My baby Sis, not to mention the rest of my family, would never speak to me again. I was just day dreamin'.
but momma: Yup, she would be pissed!
hmmmm i vote show up.... when i was having my first i wanted no one to see me but hubster. after all he has seen me sweating and screaming already, but afterwards i realised it would have been so much better with people there. by teh time my third was born we had a freaking party in teh deliveryroom, popcorn and all!
All I know is never take food from a pregnant woman. You might have your eyes scratched out!
You and all your sisters are hilarious. I guess you can always depend on a sis to be honest with you...
My only thought: I couldn't get anyone to do what I wanted for my birth. And yes, when labor was in full swing I didn't care or notice. But later I thought about it and was pissed that I didn't get what I wanted for a very special experience that was supposed to belong just to me and my husband...
While I was pregnant I was constantly inundated with advice and personal questions from strangers. I know this happens to everyone, but I just wanted someone to respect me a little bit... to ask what *I* wanted, to do what *I* wanted, to be interested in what *MY* choices were.
I'm not saying you're wrong to camp out, you know your sis the best. I'm just saying that everyone has their own personal reasons for the decisions they make, you know?
I liked this post!
Very funny! Don't want to give you the wrong advice. Sounded like she would be pissed. Good luck.
I think she'd be pretty angry. Wait until she's in full swing and hop on in then she won't care-- or she could focus on you when she tries to push the baby out. You know be so peeved she forgets a bowling ball is hovering where it shouldn't hover. You'd be an asset. I say crash the party-
or maybe it is best to let little sister have her way?
Wow, sensitive crowd today. Cooters aside, after I had that first baby, it felt like I had just won a marathon, or an olympic gold medal! I had just been part of a miracle and who wouldn't want to be part of that!
But Sister Knows Best! :)
I, too, would love to be there with her, however, I was not invited. If you love her, as I know you do, respect her wishes. Maybe with # 2 there will be room for more. Luvs Ya. Mom
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