Thirteen Random Bits of Stuff

1) My darling 12 year old was Knighted at her school last night. I had to get gussied up for the ceremony. She is now Lady Eleanor of Camden. But I still refuse to bow. And she still says "Yes, Your Highness" with the sarcastic eye roll for effect whenever I ask her to do something.

2) The 14 year old is signing the Jr. Membership book at church on Sunday. She has to read a statement she wrote herself in front of the congregation. The last line of which is "I value the community here, the warmth and love that I have more or less grown up with partly because Mom threatens to beat me if I don't attend church nearly every Sunday." That's my girl.

3) The front and back yard have finally been mowed. Is it a bad thing when your house is the only one in the neighborhood where the grass is higher then your small child's knee? All I needed was a rusted out car in the front yard to complete the look.

4) I visited my Doctor yesterday and have lost 15 pounds. I did not know the exact amount because one of my children broke my scale back in March. The new diet seems to be working. What new diet, you ask? L.U.S.T. And increased exercise.

5) On that front, things appear to be cooling down. Instead of jumping on him as soon as I walk in his door I am now able to talk for 10-15 minutes. Then I jump on him.

6) The switch to decaf tea seems to have completely eliminated my chest pain and heart palpitations. I only really miss my 4 pm cuppa a little bit. My kids miss it a great deal. It made me a better mother.

7) My toe nails are purple. One of the perks of having teenage daughters.

8) How do I get the winter clothes out of my 5 year olds dresser when she clutches every single item to her breast and tearfully proclaims that she can not live without it? Help!

9) The drivers side sliding door on my van is locked shut. It will not open. Even when I cuss at it. This means that the children must either wait patiently to exit the vehicle or climb over each other to get out of the one working door. Guess which one they choose?

10) The lilacs are in bloom here in Maine. They are my absolutely, hands down, my favorite flower. I do not have a lilac bush in my yard but my house is full of blooms anyway. My children pinch them from the neighbors yards for me. My children rock.

11) Occasionally my guy is tired after a long day of work and is not in the mood. I, on the other hand, always seem to be. I have discovered a sure fire way to get him the mood. "Would you like to talk about relationship issues or kiss me?" Works every single time.

12) He finally met two of my children, the older girls, and I met one of his daughters. It was one of the most painfully awkward experiences of my life short of our first date. Could it have been due to the fact that it was at my kid's Medieval Fair, that I was dressed as a Scullery Wench, had a white pillow case tied on my head as a kerchief and had just been vomited on by my five year old?

13) Life is good here at Onetallmomma's Summer is a coming and the living will be easy.