Conversation with my 14 year old this afternoon:
Hey Mom. Watcha ya doing?
Answering e-mails. How are you, darling?
You're chatting with him, aren't you? You are so in love and in denial.
I am not in love or in denial.
See, that just proves it. You are in denial.
Leave. Now.
She walks away. Laughing.
So, how does a 46 year old woman, who admittedly is in the throes of a sexual awakening, distinguish between love and desire?
I think I have to be very, very careful to keep the two clear. 17 year olds and people of even older ages marry and then base their relationships on that initial passion. Many endure. Many do not. I am not 17 years old, as much as I feel like a teenager at times of late.
Is not deep, enduring love a function of time? Of mutual respect and trust? Honesty and caring? About generosity of spirit that flows both ways?
Help me here. I feel lost on many levels. I am out of balance and that is huge for a woman who values balance.
I think I need to pour more time on it. The future will take care of itself. And so far at least, he has not run screaming in the other direction.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Knowing the Difference
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7 comments:
Does there need to be a decision (between love and desire) right now? I say let whatever happens happen.
Have fun. Enjoy the day! Live for the moment!!!
Desire is pure emotion that is changeable and fickle. Love is a CHOICE. A decision based on the facts and then on sheer commitment. I think at the moment, just go with it and have fun. When and if it gets "serious" then you have some hard questions to ask yourself. Make any sense???
Dcrmom, I agree. Love IS a choice.
First comes lust, then comes love? Actually, I sort of think each of us is individual in how this all works out. But I distinguish between 'loving' and 'being in love' - the latter is the emotion of teenage years, the former may (or may not) grow out of being in love. Nonetheless, I reiterate my position: when you have children, you must be very, very careful - it's not only your heart that you're protecting, it's their future.
Hang on. . . .
Oh boy, do I ever agree with what Linda said. You want my un-diluted advice? From someone who didn't handle it right? good.
Keep the children completely OUT of a relationship in the beginning and especially (oh, sooo especially) when it's a relationship involving sex (and especially if it's good sex). Date away from them. Don't bring the guy around. Keep yourself compartmentalized FOR THEM. Down the road? Way down the road -- when you're more sure about what you're really dealing with here? Fine. Introduce the guy. Incorporate him verrry slowly. But kiddo -- if you're sleepin' with him already? It's lust. Pure and simple. And your kids don't need that. They have enough to deal with. Oh I know. Advice from a total stranger. Sometimes that's the best kind. I have nothing to gain here. You do. It's good for you....while it lasts. Leave the kiddos out of the equation...for now. Cece
Cece,
Thanks for the advice. It has been 6 months and neither my children or the rest of my close, demanding family have met him. My choice. I do not want to share. It would complicate an uncomplicated situation. I am wise enough to know that much. And yes, it is lust. But since I never done lust before it does feel very overwhelming at times.
Oh yeah. It's lust alright. You make me laugh. "Since I've never done lust before". Isn't that sad that we can actually (we who've been married, no less!) say that? You make me laugh. And I figured you are wise. Just don't get an STD. I say that because nowadays it's everywhere! Back during my lustful-life days it wasn't as much an issue. I think now I will lust-alone the rest of my life. I don't trust other people's sex life history....know what I mean? Cece
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