My Green Eyed Girl

12 years ago today I gave birth to my second child. My eldest was about to turn 2 years old. A child I loved utterly and completely. Intellectually I was ready to welcome a new child into my life but I was unsure of my heart. I loved the idea of a new child but did I have room in my heart to love another the way I loved my first? So much about bringing children into this world is a leap of faith. The faith that our bodies will grow a healthy child. The faith that we will love them. I guess I had faith in my heart in spite of the doubts in my mind.

October 16th, 1994 was a cold, blustery day in Portland. There had been snow flurries that morning. And this baby, like my first, had no respect for due dates. She had her own plans. It was a good birth with the exception of the last few moments when I screamed the immortal words at my Doctor, "GET HER OUT OR PUSH HER BACK IN....NOW!!!". My baby must have understood because the next thing I knew I was holding my daughter. And was she pissed! Her crying was understandable in light of the days of dithering around followed by her rapid, wild ride down the birth canal.


As her Dad cradled his new daughter in his arms he asked me what we should name her. We had a short list of girls names but I told him that I was in no shape to make such a huge decision. Oh, and by the way...No More Children. I Am Done! He looked at her for a few moments and then said that she looked like an Eleanor. My mother had attended the birth of her granddaughter and was in the room with us to welcome her newest grandchild into the world. Eleanor's middle name is Elizabeth, my mother's name.

And so, five hours after her entry into the world we brought Eleanor Elizabeth home with us. We introduced her to her future best friend, her older sister. She was a beautiful baby. Breathtakingly beautiful. And I could not believe she was mine. She was a easy baby. She eat when she was hungry, slept when she was not. At 4 weeks her favorite activity was to lay on her back on the couch and kick her legs in the air. And watch her sister. Always watching her sister. She found her thumb at 3 weeks. It was as if she was being reunited with a long lost friend. She would pin it in her mouth with her other hand so that it would not fly away. That thumb would remain her favorite source of comfort for the next 7 years. Eleanor also was my best sleeper. At 6 weeks she was sleeping for 6-8 hours a night and by 3 months she was giving me a solid tens hours of sleep. A totally breastfeed baby sleeping though the night...unheard of! I chalk it up to her magic thumb.


My heart did find room for her. It grew, as she did. And she was not an easy baby to love at times. She was never one to put her head on my shoulder. To snuggle close to my body for comfort. When she had a temper tantrum during her second year she did not want to be touched. She would lay on the floor and kick her feet. And then, after a few minutes, she would be done. Like a summer thunder storm her tantrums were intense but quickly over. My loves and hugs she would accept only on her terms, when she was ready. That was hard for me as a mother. My mother tells me that I was the same way as a child so she came by it honestly.

How do you sum up the spirit of a child? I like to say that with Eleanor it is either sunshine or shit. Blessedly there is much sunshine. Her smile lights up a room and her passions sweep us all along. She is a friend to everyone in her class, the one to stand up to a bully or comfort a hurt friend. My girl is deeply empathetic in a culture that does not always honor such people.

Eleanor loves babies. She loves clothes and shoes. She loves all white food and has since she was two. Given her druthers she would live on pasta, bread, cheese and yogurt. She still loves to play with her dolls although she would deny it if asked. She is my memory when mine fails. Laughter follows in her wake. She used to knock other children over with the intensity of her hugs when she was younger. That same passion still burns in this child. She has much to teach me and it is an honor to be her student.

She is a gift and a blessing.

My green eyed girl.

Happy Birthday Darling!

I love you utterly and completely.