A Rock and a Hard Place

Several weeks ago I received a phone call from 3rd sister. It went something like this:

"Hi, honey. How are you? Guess what I just did? I got my eyebrows waxed!"

"Ummmm....cool. Did it hurt?"

"Just a little. And now my brows are all red and stuff but they look awesome."

"Good for you."

"And guess what? I have a gift for you. I made an appointment for you to have yours done. My treat."

"Wow....... Thanks."

I hung up and swallowed hard. Up until a few months ago I was unaware that a woman could have her eyebrows waxed. Her legs...yes. Her armpits....yes. There was the summer a few years ago that this same sister and I experimented with NADS, the home waxing system. All I remember is the mess and the pain.

There are two things you should know about me:

1) I had not touched my eyebrows since my friend Rosemary shaved off her right eyebrow by mistake when we were 13. As a result, my eyebrows were......natural. Some members of my immediate family would use the word bushy. I prefered "natural".

2) I don't do pain. The exception would be childbirth and since I have been there and done that 4 times I am of the opinion that I never have to voluntarily do pain again. Ever.

3) On asking my friend whether or not I should accept my sister's gift he informed me that he rather liked my eyebrows "just the way they are." Of course, it was a loaded question. He was a brave man to have answered at all.

A week later I walked into the plush salon in Rockland and approached the desk. The place was done in soft earth tones with lots of those little indoor water fountains with soothing music supplementing the sound of the gurgling water.

"Hi, I'm Ashley. I have a 3 o'clock appointment to have my brows done." (gulp)

"Yes. Welcome. This is Cheryl. She will be you beauty therapist today."

Cherly asked if I needed to use the Ladies Room before she started. I nodded in the affirmative. But I didn't pee. I leaned my elbows on the sink and gazed at my brows and contemplated my sanity. I liked my brows. And so did my friend. But I loved my sister. And did not want to hurt her feelings by rejecting her kind gift. Plus I was....well....scared.

In the treatment room Cheryl, who was 15 years old if she was a day, asked me to lay down on a lovely, soft table and to relax. I giggled. Yes, I actually giggled. Dread has that effect on me.

"Chery, I am anxious about this. This is my first time. I am a virgin."

She giggled in response.

"No, really. I am not at all sure about this. My lover likes my brows just the way they are."

Her brows, what little of them she had, disappeared into her hairline. I think I shocked her by using the words virgin and lover practically in the same sentence.

"But you see, my sister, she gave me this as a gift and I don't want to disappointment her. Plus she would call me a wuss. So you see, I'm stuck. Can you help me?"

Why I asked a 15 year old for help is beyond me other then the fact that I was well and truly....stuck.

"Ashley, lie down. Let's take a look. Oh, you have wonderful brows! Do you know that the Natural Look is IN right now? I am only going to take a bit off of the lower edges and then do some strategic plucking and clipping. You will look fabulous. Trust me."

O.K. She was a Wise Woman in a 15 year olds body. I closed my eyes, listened to the soothing sound of falling water and then heard these words:

"I am going to put the wax on now. It will feel warm. Then I am going to remove it. It will feel like a Band-Aide coming off. That's all. Promise."

That will teach me to trust a 15 year old child. Liar!

She ripped that wax off and I nearly came off of the table. Ouccchhhhh! All I could do was laugh....right out loud.

"See, I told you it wouldn't hurt much at all."

I have since learned that women wax other, more intimate parts of their bodies. The idea was intriguing until I realized that in comparison to the approximately 4 nerve endings in the human brow region that there had to be a hundred bazillion in a woman's.....nether regions.

Not a chance in hell.