Please don't bring a gift

Two of my son's friends, twins, have Birthday parties coming up. The invitations arrived several weeks ago and I stuck them into my pile without writing the dates on my calender. But more on that later. Both of the invitations requested that gifts not be brought for the birthday child. One asked that if you felt you must bring a gift, please bring a packet of wildflower seeds so that the children could plant them in the name of diversity and friendship. The other asked that my child bring a 4"x4" square of fabric so that they could make an apron. My 11 year old was recently invited to a party and was asked not to bring a gift but to instead make a donation to the birthday child's favorite charity.

What is going on here? Yes, I know that our culture is too materialistic. Yes, I think charities, flowers and aprons are great. But where did the sheer joy of the basic birthday gift go? My kids love to pick them out, help wrap them and then anticipate their friends faces when the gift is opened. And let's not forget the Birthday child in this equation. Did said child really agree to NO PRESENTS? Get real! One of the real bummers about being an adult is that you don't get to sit on the floor, surrounded by a pile of unopened booty. The anticipation. The excitement. The thrill of riping open each gift. It is a fondly cherished memory of my childhood.

As a grown up and parent, I don't get piles of gifts anymore. The homemade cards and gifts are much better. But from a purely parenting view point, the giving and receiving of gifts are the opportunities I use to teach some basic manners to my children. Without the giving of gifts, there are none of the "Thank you"s, "Your Welcome"s and "Hope you liked it"s of elementary etiquette.

So, off my child goes to his birthday party this afternoon with his packet of sunflower seeds clutched in his hand. (Even I'm amazed at what I can pull out of my junk drawer in a pinch.) Only to have my "parenting partner" return from the "party" to let me know that it is tomorrow. Whoops....