Catchy title, huh? Breasts in my brain? Breasts coming out of my ears? Breasts on my mind? Losing my mind? Yup, that's a distinct possibility.
Since 7am this morning I have been studying for my exam. What exam, you ask? Why, THE EXAM. The big one. The IBCLC or International Board Certification Lactation Consultant Exam. My boards. That are only offered once a year and that cost a shit load of money to take and if you flunk you don't get your money back. That exam. Exam date: July, right around the corner, 31st..three weeks from now.
I have looked at so many pictures of diseased breasts that I'm not thinking clearly. You want to turn your guy off of porn? Send him my way. I promise, he will never look at the human breast the same way again.
I can tell you about thrush, cracked nipples, jaundice, poor latch, blisters, blebs, plugged ducts....hell the list goes on and on. I dreamed about nipples last night. OMG, that is just wrong!!!
The worst part is that I now realize that I know nothing about breastfeeding. I have been helping new mothers for the past 11 years as a La Leche League Leader and all I can see in my mind are all of the babies I have killed. I know nothing. (No, I have not actually killed any babies...but, geeze, based on what I don't know it is not outside the realm of possibility.)
I'm even grossing myself out writing about this stuff. Yuk!
More tomorrow...if I'm still sane.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Breasts on my Brain
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13 comments:
That's not gross...it's just part of being a Momma and sometimes the job sucks. ;P
Keep the faith, Tall Momma. You helped me. Your advice got me to thinking and now I keep a firm hand between the peanuts shoulders. I can tell if she is wiggeling free and pull her off. NO MORE BLEEDING NIPPLES. Much better then our local LC who just told me to tell her no.
like that works... she is her father's child.
Being a lactation consultant is a very important job. I had supply problems and with a little help, they were resolved within a month. The peanut went from being in the 35% to the 75% in 3 weeks.
Hope you pass good luck you will be helping lots of frustrated mommas good for you. Btw I never even nursed but I won't bore you with that.
As mums, we lost modesty when it comes to breasts, they are a fact of life, as is lactating if one is a new mum. I suppose, if you'd been studying for this when I was having my two babies, I would have been moving in with you, you coulda helped me with my stuff and I coulda taught you to bake bread and such!!!!!! What a riot that would be!!!!!
I love reading your blog, you are the first single mom blog I have kept reading!!!! I can identify with you! Cheers!!!
I cuncur, I wish I had known you back when...
The "lactation specialist" at the hospital when I had John, marched in to my room (I was sitting in a rocking chair with him, giving the old girls a dry run) and she manhandled my mammaries without ever looking me in the eye. I called her Sargeant.
Good times.
There can never be enough LCs, believe me. I've failed to nurse Timi because there wasn't anybody around to show me how to make her latch in the week after the c-section in the hospital, and when we got home all the techniques in the world couldn't make my strong-willed child to make the effort to suck on the nipple. I ended up pumping 5 1/2 months. Suckiest.period.ever.
Girlfriend, you are needed. And realizing "oh God, I know nothing" is just a sign of your intelligence. It's the people who DO think they know everything who are the dummies. Now get out there and pass that test! You can do it!
:-)
No matter how diseased the breast, you can't put men off porn!! LOL. But seriously, I hope you go well with your exam. Keep at it!
Now you know what its like to be a man : )
We must have been man-handled by the same nurse. Mine was German. Very German. Although it might have been more scary if she was gentle!
YOU go girl! Good luck and keep us posted!
Yeah, I think that's one of the ODDEST things about having a baby. You're sitting in a bed, some lady walks in, doesn't introduce herself, doesn't buy you a drink first, just sticks her hand inside your hospital gown and yanks out your boob and looks at it. It's like, "hello, have we met?" My husband was there when the lacation specialist came in and he said he'd get slapped if he ever tried something like that. :)
You'll pass the test! No problem. And yeah, i agree with Andreia, if you're dreaming about nipples, then you know what it's like to be a man. :) :)
ya know I am actually interested in seeing hte pictures, interested anought to google some of them! thats kinda neat. never fear you will pass this test
Oh I hope it goes well... we need more of those! I toyed with the idea of doing the same a long time ago when I was a LLL member, but I have no aptitude for science-type stuff...
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